The End of Innocence..

The month is over and its been interesting to say the least. I've learned to move towards being completely insensitive and its all me now. Well, not like it was not all about me before either but now this is a state of mind I wish I would never change.

People around me think they know whats best for me, people assume to know what they really don't know 'How and why I must be doing what I do'.

Too many people have let me down, too many people turn away from the truth for comfort in their own little world. Promises broken, hearts shattered and thought processes micro analyzed to find what could've possibly gone wrong. Analyzed ten times over with no answer found. Then it is a self realization. "People" That's what they do, they let you down. I knew this, why didn't I listen to myself?

How many people, how many times? Err.. too many people, too many times... too soon...

Even the select few tend to utter nonsensical strings of advice in a hope that they can be relieved of the problem or maybe it will go away. Not always did I need anyone yet when feelings soften when you break down Shields that protect they need time to grow their protective cover again. Those who cared, no more dare to use the word, fearing that commitment and responsibility for their words will weigh them down. Those promises of faith written with invisible ink on a barely visible emotion.

If I didn't break down the walls, If I didn't let you in I would've been better than this, I wouldn't have done the humiliating. Ego tends to hold down the receptors of feeling. Pride keeps the head strong and directed above the rest. I wouldn't have been humiliated by you, by them and myself. I would've known what needed to be done and I would've done whatever was needed to be done. Never stopping to question, reason or rationalize it with emotion or feeling. It would've been done.

Old friends, quiet friends Pride, Ego welcome back its been awhile since we spoke. Yes its all been done. I've done everything that shouldn't have been done, loved with abandon only to be burned. Burned by truth, lies and deception never really in any specific order. I am hurt.. wounded and left for dead.

One last chance, it was not to be my chance. A foolish chance, a crippling blow. You don't know what you know until you know it. Assumptions Galore, the mother of all fuck ups! Not me.. I don't assume.. I only spoke the truth.. The truth is real...and painful.

"Everyone out.. Pride, Ego You sit down. You're staying you're helping me.. and this time I won't let you down. Everyone else can get the fuck out I'm done with you all, its over... I'm done!!"